Projection Transformation Machine

"Every time we judge something or are particularly moved by something, it has to do with ourselves."

Projection happens when I am not in the genuine (unpleasant) feeling but instead override it (or suppress it, don't want to admit it, don't show it, find it embarrassing, don't allow it, or for some other reason why it's not expressed or shown). Sometimes I do this consciously (to suppress the unpleasant feeling), and sometimes unconsciously (just to make things a little more complicated).

In any case: The authentic basis for the conversation is missing because a part of one, or maybe even both, people is not being expressed. This places the conversation on a different, superimposed level.

As I feel it, the situation becomes particularly uncomfortable because I can feel exactly that there's something else going on. Maybe not WHAT it is in that moment, but it's enough to have the thought that the situation is inauthentic. And this is true both ways, when I'm behaving that way and when I can feel the other person behaving that way.

That's how we humans are; we're not stupid, that's for sure, even if we can't consciously explain exactly what's happening. The conversation can then quickly turn unpleasant. You no longer understand each other, you start to block off, argue, or patronize the other person in some way... does that sound familiar?

Projections can be anything from simple to incredibly complex. Once I've recognized one, the next one is already on its way, and as the universe would have it, the next one comes more hidden, more obscured, with much more ego and resistance than the one before it. Of course, this is all just so we can get better at dealing with our own projections 😉

I'll try to illustrate this with a few examples:

(Please compare situations that you can perceive in a completely calm way, without judgment or intense emotional reaction, versus situations that upset you, where the other person upsets you, or you start to judge.)

Projection: "Oh, he has so many muscles, he must be on steroids."

What's showing here? A judgment, an assumption that may or may not be true. Maybe envy. What could be underneath, what isn't being shown? Maybe anger about one's own lack of ambition to do more for one's physique. Or maybe anger about a lack of discipline.

Projection: "I'm happy for you; hopefully, this relationship will last for you this time and not end in disaster like the others."

What's showing here? Genuine empathy? Hardly. With that subordinate clause, the entire statement leaves a bad taste. What could be underneath, what isn't being shown? Maybe one's own loneliness because of not being in a relationship. Perhaps the fear that the friend will now have less time for one, which again points to loneliness.

Projection: "She's so jealous and clingy. She's the problem and should go to therapy so things get better between us."

What's showing here? A judgment and the shifting of sole responsibility for a crisis in the relationship. What could be underneath, what isn't being shown? It could be one's own inadequacy in setting boundaries, the fear of making changes in the relationship, or perhaps the frustration of not being able to stand up more for one's own freedom.

Please understand me correctly: I'm not saying that situations have to be different if you don't project, or that someone might not behave badly or harmfully. They are what they are—situations and people. And, as a rule, two people meet who both have their own issues and fit well together in the dynamic.

[And one more important note: If any form of violence is present, please get out of the situation as quickly as possible and get help. Here on my blog, I am talking about conversational situations.]

I'm saying: Our judgment of it and the fact that it affects us negatively makes the solution to an already difficult situation WITH projection even more difficult than without. When I judge or blame someone, I'm basically putting a second problem on my plate. Because I'm not being honest in the situation. Not honest about what's moving me. Not with the other person and/or with myself and the other person.

This robs the situation of authenticity, because what can come out of it if I blame or judge the other person? Right, probably more accusations and judgments. And those will then come from the other person to me. We are then very far away from an honest conversational dynamic between two people and might end up in a fight.

However, if the projection doesn't happen, I can be honest with myself and also with the other person in the situation. Even if it's uncomfortable, the chances are good that the conversation can continue on an authentic basis. Empathy becomes possible, perhaps apologizing, giving the other person the opportunity to open their heart, and finding genuine solutions.

This also works with projection even without other people, purely as a thought experiment. My tip here is also: look closely, recognize the projection, and deal with your own uncomfortable feelings. It can be quite liberating...

And I'd also like to note here how much energy it costs to project, in contrast to being at peace with yourself emotionally. See if you can also notice a difference for yourself. The ego, unfortunately, does this over and over again, automatically. Mine does too; my brain works no differently than anyone else's. I've now learned to recognize it quickly when it happens and then leave the detour to return to the (unpleasant) source feeling.

Sometimes I express it, sometimes I don't, but just perceive it within myself. Even that already changes the situation toward authenticity. And truly, you don't always have to say everything in every situation or always show vulnerability. But you can acknowledge it internally.

Ultimately, you don't have to do anything; everyone can decide for themselves. I'm just trying to show options here for how things can be different.

Constantly turning away from the inner self and projecting externally can take on very convoluted and even extreme effects in life. I'm talking about addictions and fetishes. In my view, they begin with a person moving further and further away from their inner self. And again, probably for good reasons—I don't want to deny that people have had terrible experiences. I'm merely trying to make a connection to how important it is to perceive yourself honestly instead of turning it into an obsession with the outside world. And I'm talking about an obsession, not a hobby that you're very interested in and really get into. The problem arises from the extremity.

Whether you talk about it or not, at least be honest with yourself. There are things about me that I hardly ever talk about with others. But I am aware of them, and I am completely and openly honest with myself about them. That is what I wish for you, too. By doing that, you will get rid of a few problems in your life when you recognize your projections and deviate from them. I promise.

This is also one of my main topics in counseling with clients. Because it happens to EVERYONE.

Have fun uncovering your projections, not those of others (!), your own (!) 😊 Occupying yourself with the projections of others would also be your own projection again 😊

For the record, because I thought a lot afterward about whether my presentation was too one-sided. Whether one could get the impression that one 'only' has to work on oneself, even though there are enough situations out there that are simply not okay. And for all who are now crying out and saying: But the other person is still behaving unjustly.

Yes, it can indeed be the case that the other person is not reflective, does not recognize or does not want to recognize their own projections. They continue with their unfair, unjust accusations/statements, or do something that is simply not okay. An example that comes to mind is bullying, where the 'more powerful' person doesn't just stop their power play just because the conversation partner is approaching the matter reflectively...

I'm talking about recognizing what is going on within yourself and where your own projection lies. Whether the other person goes along with it and how they react is their decision. In the ideal case, both people change their way of speaking back to a more truthful level. In the bad case, one is reflective, and the other is still not, and this creates an additional imbalance. Is that the time to leave, to withdraw? For me, yes, would you decide that too?

And since I love to conclude with Jung, here it is:

"Since man has the relative freedom to choose his paths, he is free to go astray and, instead of dealing with the reality of his unconscious, to begin to speculate about it and detach himself from the truth of nature. Therefore, I hold no philosophical hopes. One half of the truth lies in man's hand, but the other lies in the hand of one who is greater than we are." (from Letters III, p. 368)