Jumping into the Shadows

"Why aren't we all enlightened? Because there are still shadows where the light hasn't penetrated." "What if what we're looking for isn't in front of us, but inside us?"

A video interview with Shaolin masters begins with these questions and statements. [Shaolin Meister: Der Westen ist krank und alle schweigen - YouTube]

I can't say whether I'd recommend it, because I didn't watch any more of it. After those two sentences, I simply had the beginning for my next blog post and was busy writing. 😉

I want to share my experiences from client work and my own insights on the topic of shadow work.

But first, let's cover the theory so we can all start on the same page. My page, admittedly, but it is my blog after all...

If I understood Carl Gustav Jung correctly, shadows are parts of our subconscious that are not conscious and need to be integrated. If they continue to lie dormant and unrecognized in our subconscious, they influence us, usually negatively.

A shadow is an unintegrated part (hey, I already said that) that we reject in ourselves (that's new). We reject it because we don't like it, we feel bad about it, we've had bad experiences with it—there are many reasons.

A part is a state or a role that I take on, which makes me behave in a certain way. Examples include: fear, the mother role, weakness, strength, aggression, desire. Here, too, there are very individual expressions of what the shadow represents.

So much for the theory. How do I put this into practice, or into our daily lives?

That's why I'm going to tell you how I integrated my part of weakness.

For a long, long, long time, I didn't recognize that I had a shadow about the topic of weakness. I simply thought that I was a person who was courageous and proactive in tackling life's challenges and tried not to be weak. By 'being weak,' I mean not admitting when I'm feeling bad, having to be strong no matter the circumstances, not showing desperation or confusion, or simply having pain, talking about it, and letting myself be helped. Of course I had such moments, other people around me just never saw them.

And I had problems dealing with people who were good at being weak. Those who were at peace enough with themselves that they could very well admit when they weren't doing well, whatever that state looked like. For me, it felt like they were reveling in that feeling too much, that they weren't doing enough to get out of it. As if it were a state that you couldn't and shouldn't keep (which is, of course, nonsense; the feeling is just there). I didn't feel comfortable having to deal with it.

But there was nothing wrong with the others. They are who they are. It wasn't clear to me for a long time.

Luckily, I started applying the principle myself: Every time we judge something or are particularly moved by something, it has to do with ourselves.

Phew, okay. I'm going to accept that as truth for now. So what does my uncomfortable feeling about someone else, when they are weak, have to do with me?

I didn't find the answer right away. It's more like a labyrinth where I didn't immediately find the exit. I had to look really deep inside. And write... Write my fingers to the bone (is that what you say?).

But then it went quite quickly. Basically, the formula is very simple. The implementation just required me to put my ego aside a bit. I found that hard.

"If you reject something in another person, it's a part that you reject in yourself."

= I reject weakness in others, which means I reject weakness in myself.

With that, the focus shifts away from the other person and back to me. Away from the criticism of the other person, in the external world, and back to me and my inner self and, yes, the criticism of myself.

A process that I find not easy to accomplish, considering that it is sooooo much easier to criticize the other person than yourself and thus take responsibility for this 'issue' and no longer give it away.

I didn't allow myself to be weak in front of others.

Not being allowed to be weak in front of others has a decisive disadvantage: it leads to a kind of loneliness. It's a kind of dishonesty that negatively affects real closeness and quality. If I never show myself to be weak in front of others—and I don't mean in front of the whole world, but in my closer circle—then they aren't allowed to perceive me as I am, with all my facets. I would call that dishonest, sometimes even in the extreme form that people cannot admit their weakness to themselves. I did that. I didn't allow myself to be weak, and therefore not in front of others either. I rejected this part of me. AND HERE IT IS, THE SHADOW. Ta-daaa!

Well, now we know what a shadow is and how a shadow can show itself in my daily life. But what's next?

I'll go into that in the next post. I'm approaching a very practical guide to shadow work by talking about what and how I did it. You can only do the implementation yourself. Either alone or together with me in the practice.

Maybe "weak" isn't the right expression here, I don't know. Maybe neediness? Please decide for yourself.

Today, I no longer see certain emotional states as weakness, but rather as purification and normal emotional states. Who can always be cheerful and strong? Very unrealistic.

I'm also learning to be weak again for myself, with myself, and in my environment. It starts with me allowing myself to be that way.

And see, the reactions are different than I would have thought. It's not a problem. I made it a problem.

Many things are now easier, with less control and more authenticity, and that, of course, affects my relationships. Not least, this is also why I can fully pursue my counseling work.

That is one of the main topics in my counseling sessions. Not weakness or neediness, but shadow work and projection.

And of course, there are reasons why I became this way. There are always reasons, cause and effect, a universal principle. I am no different from everyone else. However, illuminating these now would, in my opinion, go beyond the scope of a blog post and is part of the processing for me.

Some even say, why is it even important to know the reason? What changes because of it? Can't you find a solution without knowing the reason? Yes, I can understand that point of view, and I think it's possible.

It's difficult for me to share this post because it shows a part of myself, a brutal openness. Until now, this was in my notebook, and now I'm sharing it with the world. Oh my God, self-doubt is overwhelming me. But maybe there is also a little something harmonizing in it. For me and for you.

For me, because I am learning to open up, even with the not-so-pleasant feelings. For you, besides the fact that only you can know the reason for it, perhaps because you see how someone else opens up and, for God's sake, not everything is perfect in the process (it can't be).

And sometimes you just have to jump in life. Into the unknown, without knowing what will come out of it. Risk it, baby.

I'll go first... Are you coming after me?

Jung writes:

The shadow cannot be bypassed, unless one remains neurotic, and as long as one is neurotic, one has bypassed the shadow. The shadow is the obstacle that most effectively separates us from the divine voice. (from Letters III, p. 287).